Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trail you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. - 1 Peter 4:12
Have you ever ignored the truth about your loss because reality was too painful to face? I am doing that exact thing now. The book says that making excuses works for a little while but then one realizes that you can't run from every situation & would end up having to find a way to survive. I am doing everything possible to distract myself. Throughout the day, it's easier because of work, exercising, being with Logan & Stryker or any other family members. Night is the hardest time to stay distracted. I'm starting to experience dreams of empty baby cribs, baby blankets & teddy bears laying on the ground. I avoid going to sleep until late at night when I'm absolutely exhausted in order to prevent my mind from wandering & thinking about our loss. So, I'm not sure why now these dreams are beginning.
God, it feels like a bad dream. My pain is too raw to face reality right now. I want to pretend this never happened. It's like I'm standing in a courtroom with the truth on one side of me & denial on the other side of me. You are the wise judge. You see my pain & the truth. Help me to cope with the truth. Reveal it to me today. Amen
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