April 9th would have been our second child's 1st birthday. Now, we can only celebrate his/her birthday imagining our Savior rocking him/her for us. This day was bittersweet knowing we selfishly want our child here with us but knowing we will see that child as well as our third child (the 2 miscarriages we experienced) in Heaven one day. The anticipation of this day kept me praying for strength. God answered my prayer when he allowed me to minister to a patient on that day. Expressing my faith to a patient who is currently in need for hope was exactly what I needed. My two angels are in Heaven & can find comfort in that even during difficult times such as the anniversary of our second child's birthday - April 9th. God used a coworker of mine the morning of April 9th (Tuesday) & she has yet to realize her role that day. On my 45 min drive to work, my radio was blaring Christian music along with my mind getting lost in each song's lyrics not allowing myself to think about this day's meaning. If you know the type of person I am, I know how hard it is to lose control of my emotions such as showing sadness. I had work to do that day & that's what I kept trying to think about. One track mind. Before I got out of my car, I prayed aloud asking God for strength & comfort the rest of the day. I remember sitting at my desk as my coworker (who's desk is next to mine) pushing her devotional book over to me saying that today's message was really good. She smiled & went about her morning as I sat quietly before my first patient of the day reading God's Word that was exactly what I re-read several times throughout that day. This is what it read...
Trust Me, & don't be afraid. Many things feel out of control. Your routines are not running smoothly. You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable. Let Me lead you to the rock that is higher than you & your circumstances. Take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure. When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly & look for growth opportunities. Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new. I lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for My kingdom. Say yes to the ways I work in you life. Trust Me, & don't be afraid. - Isaiah 12:2; Psalm 61:2-4; 2 Corinthians 3:18
These words were God speaking to me on that difficult day. My coworker will never realize the impact she made on me that day. It was those words & my faith that allowed me to know our angel is waiting patiently on his/her parents but is experiencing joy in the presence of our Lord. The next day the passage read...
I am training you in steadiness. Too many things interrupt your awareness of Me. I know that you live in a world of sight & sound, but you must not be a slave to those stimuli. Awareness of Me can continue in all circumstances, no matter what happens. This is the steadiness I desire for you. Don't let unexpected events throw you off course. Rather, respond calmly & confidently, remembering that I am with you. As soon as something grabs your attention, talk with Me about it. Thus I share your joys & your problems. I help you cope with whatever is before you. This is how I live in you & work through you. This is the way of Peace. - Psalm 112:7; Isaiah 41:10
Strong words as always. The Bible is what we all need to lean on no matter the situation. These two passages are on my phone so I can read them periodically.
As many of you know from previous posts, I sought out faith-based counseling after our first miscarriage. Unfortunately, it was hard (almost impossible) to allow him to help me through what I thought would be nothing. I want people to know that sometimes you need someone to help you especially when they are a Christian counselor. God placed people in our lives to be interdependent on. I want to share just a portion of his wisdom because there a so many people out there that think counselors or seeking help (even with your spouse) makes you weak especially if you are an athlete & stubborn person as I am.
You may feel defeated having to come to therapy. But, remember that I'm not here to fix you, as if you're some sort of broken machine or some failed instrument. I'm just here to assist you as you work through difficult times...that you could do on your own, just maybe not as smoothly without an unbiased 3rd party to bounce things off of or provide some guidance. I hope you don't believe you're coming here because you're weak, because that's definitely not true. If anything, you've had to come here in the past because you try to be too strong. I do think that perhaps your greatest weakness is that you believe you have to be strong all by yourself. I know there are reasons why you believe you can't trust others. But there's a certain amount of interdependence significant others that is healthy for all of us. Remember your weightlifting day? Having a "spotter" is a good thing...if you train without one, then you'll never be able to push yourself to higher weights & faster muscle development. You can think of me as your spotter...I'm never going to lift a single weight for you, but I'm here to put my hand under the bar now & then to give you a little assistance when you get stuck.
Not only can a counselor or spouse be that "spotter" but God can definitely be that person. He will always be there. Have you ever thought about how God has used a "spotter" in your life or maybe how God has placed you to be someone's "spotter"?
Thank you to all my "spotters" out there. You know who you are (Logan, Dr. Saunders, mom, friends/coworkers - just to name a few). Happy first birthday, our angel in Heaven. May you continue to be joyful in the presence of your other sibling & our Lord.
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