I find myself below the surface of reality, hiding from the fact we actually lost our baby. I've been using work, exercise, playing with Stryker/Logan, facebook, planning a baby shower for a friend (which seems a little odd but it's something to do), planning a family vacation, etc. to bury my true feelings. Everyone experiences this but uses different outlets for their hiding place. A "place" where you don't have to face the questions, fears, doubts, & guilt.
Even though I try to hide from our loss, it's still there. I am constantly telling myself (as well as Logan reminding me) that I cannot hide from this forever. As reality is apparent, I've discovered shattered dreams, a broken heart, emotional roller coasters, & uprooted expectations. In the book, it states "but you will also find peace in knowing that the storm has passed." Reading this, it speaks as though the miscarriage is over & now it's time to pick up the pieces to move forward.
Lord, help me. I'm hiding from the storm of my loss. I admit I've disconnected from reality by hiding my pain in many things. I need Your help to face the truth & to repair the damage that has been done in my life. Come to my rescue. Repair, rebuild, & restore my life. Remind me to run to Your presence & Your Word in my journey through grief. Be my new hiding place & help me move forward. Amen
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